Church of the Holy City

Honor Your Father, Too

Honor Your Father, Too
By
Rev. Dr. David J. Fekete
June 15, 2014

Exodus 3:1-17 John 5:16-27 Psalm 103

Today is Father’s Day. We celebrate the special love of fathers for their children and of children for their fathers. I don’t know. Is it just me, or does it seem that Mother’s Day gets all the press. Does it seem that when we think of families, it is our mothers who we think of as the central player in the life of a family? To be sure, mothers form more physical bonds for their children. They carry them in their wombs, they deliver their babies, and nurse them in infancy. Certainly mothers do play a primary role in the generation of families. But this should not diminish the vital role that fathers play in the life of a healthy family.
Wasn’t it striking in the Psalm we read today that God’s compassion for the human race is compared to a father’s compassion for his children? Normally, when we think of parental love and compassion, our mothers come to mind first. But the love of fathers for their children may well be—dare I say it—just as great as that of mothers for their children. There! I said it.
There are social forces that have minimized the role fathers play in families. In the past, fathers were usually the ones who went away to work, leaving mothers in charge of the upbringing of children. So all that time away from the family worked against the kind of bonding that mothers traditionally had for their children. But this does not mean that fathers didn’t still feel powerful love for their children. This doesn’t mean that fathers weren’t equally concerned for the welfare of their children as were mothers. This doesn’t mean that fathers didn’t worry about their children when they were in trouble and wanted to help their children in all their life’s issues.
Furthermore, society also worked against fatherly bonding for their families in another way. In the past, men were brought up to be very different than women. Men were taught to be strong. Men were taught to hide their feelings. Men weren’t allowed to cry. Men didn’t hug, embrace, and nurture their children as mothers did. So men were not allowed to express their love for their children as openly as mothers were. This was very unfortunate for fathers. Unfortunate and unfair. Fathers weren’t given a chance to show their children just how much they really loved their children.
In my family, my father was the one who maintained order in the family. He was the one saddled with the responsibility of disciplining us. While mother consoled and nurtured, my poor father was the one who spanked or yelled at us when we misbehaved; he was the one who made us do all the family chores; and when he came home from work, tired and stressed out, he read the paper, took a nap, and made us be quiet when his TV program was on. My father was the authoritarian in the family. He was never taught by his family or by society to show his caring, nurturing side. And I don’t think that my family was unusual for the time period in which I grew up. Hearing stories from my friends and cousins, my father was typical. In fact, whenever my mother would tell me how much my father loved me, I couldn’t really understand it. How unfortunate for him.
But fathers do love their children. And it is very important in childhood development for a child to have both mother and father role models. In our present society, however, it seems that more and more families are single-parent households. With divorce rates as high as they are today, and with unplanned pregnancies, and teen-age pregnancies, fewer and fewer fathers are stepping up to the plate and fulfilling their fatherly responsibilities. Single-parent families almost across the board mean single mothers. More and more often, the task of raising children and also working to provide for their families, is falling on single mothers. Men in today’s society need to grow up and be a man and a caring father for their children.
I think that today, men are allowed to show their softer side in families. I see fathers hugging their children. I see fathers telling their children that they love them. I see fathers taking part in the raising of children, staying home at times, and nurturing.
While my father was from the old school, later in my life I still saw that he cared for me and loved me. When I found myself in trouble in my adult life, it was often my father who came to my aid and nurtured me through the hard times.
I think back to when I was a student at this Church’s divinity school. This would be when I was in my late 20′s. There were difficulties then because of political developments in the Church, and my alcoholism was a concern for the Council of Ministers. I had been a student in good standing for five years, but in my final year, the Church got cold feet about me. At a Convention, the entire Council of Ministers met to decide whether they would ordain me. This meeting took two hours, and they made me sit outside the classroom where the Council met. My father sat next to me the whole time. We didn’t say a lot, but it really meant a lot to me to have my father sit by my side during this difficult time, when the course of my professional life was at a crossroads. My mother was concerned, but she went to bed that night. It was my father who sat up and waited with me.
My life then took a turn for a career in the university. Now, I was leaving Boston for a Ph. D. program at the University of Virginia. I had all my stuff packed up, and I was staying at a friend’s house. I was ready to rent a U-Haul and tow my belonging to Virginia, when trouble came again. I was driving a Fiat then. I don’t know what possessed me to buy that Fiat, but I did. And as Fiats are notorious for, my Fiat broke down completely. The timing chain broke and the pistons rammed up and down uncontrolled and completely destroyed the engine. The car was totaled. I needed help again, and who came to help me? My father drove 12 hours from Detroit to Boston, got a trailer hitch installed on his station wagon, helped me load up the U-Haul and drove me down to Virginia and got me settled down there.
Today we celebrate fatherly love. Fathers, this is your day. We give our fathers cards, maybe take him to dinner, let him put his feet up and rest. Today, let’s reflect on the deep, unfailing love that fathers have for their children. Let’s remember things our fathers did that showed their love. Today, I think that men are opening up their feeling side a little more. Today’s fathers hold their children and tell them that they love them. Some fathers even stay at home and take care of their children while their wives work. Let us honor the fathers of the past, and our fathers today, and know, that even if they couldn’t express it, a father’s love for his children is as great as that of their mother. Let’s let them know that we know it and that we love them for all they have done and continue to do for us.

PRAYER

Heavenly Father, we are all your children, nurtured by the spiritual family we call the church. We thank you this day for the special love of our fathers. Our fathers have provided for us and love us in ways that are not always apparent. Sometimes, society has made it difficult for our fathers to express their love. But we know that they do indeed care for us as much as our mothers do. May we take this day to thank them and to show them that we know. That we know how much they care and how much we love them. Thank you heavenly Father, for the gift of our earthly fathers.

Lord, we pray for those who are sick. Send your healing love to those ailing, and comfort their family and friends. Lord, we ask for the grace of your healing love for all in need.